AdScam/The Horror!

half of Americans are Neanderthals!

Actually, I fucked that up… After reading that nearly half the population of America believes n the creationist view that God created humans in their present form some time within the last 10,000 years, then they can’t be Neanderthals, ‘cos they were already extinct 10,000 years ago. Although, according to the CreationistNozzles, they never fucking existed. Ten thousand years ago, Adam and Eve were riding around on their Harley’s blasting fumes out of their exhausts to be in at the beginning of global worming… Oh, wait a minute, that doesn’t exist either!

She didn't get where she is today with a dinosaur mother!

Julie Roehm… Wal-mart’s biggest nightmare?

AdScamer’s know that I have hammered Julie Roehm in the past for the way she really screwed up the Wal-Mart/Draft/FCB situation. Not only doing herself a lot of harm, but also demonstrating that the ad biz has become increasingly fucked up. However, in the 6 or 7 years since all that shit flowed under the bridge, I have begun to appreciate the grit of the woman in the way she has stuck at the job of rehabilitating herself, finally ending up at SAP as a “chief storyteller,” whatever the fuck that is, but I’ll bet it won’t require lap dances at NoBu. Anyway, the interesting news propositioned by Jim Edwards, over at BusinessInsider, is that it might be possible that Julie could be called on by the Department of Justice to expand on her claims at the time of her dismissal, that CEO Lee Scott (currently under investigation for the Wal-Mart Mexican bribery scandal) was getting kickbacks of fucking diamonds and yachts from a Wal-Mart supplier. Ha, wouldn’t that be fucking great if she could help nail the fucktard. Shit, if Julie asks me, I’ll appear as a character witness for her. ‘Cos, as you all know… I am a fucking prince!

Meantime... Down in Bentonville, Wal-Mart's Board of Directors prepare for action!

ooops… almost forgot Kate!

AdScamer, Kypar, reminds me Friday is nearly over, and there has been no Kate… My fucking Bad!!!

I shall have to do some bonus shots.

Stand by for exciting news on Julie Roehm tomorrow!!!

Don't do that again, you tosser!

Ten quid a pound to you!

Always leave the best 'till the last!

 

Carly’s tiny hands are frozen!

Have you ever wondered how these CEO fucktards get away with saying the most outrageous things, and yet are continually asked for their dumb arsed opinions on stuff they have shown over the years they are incompetent churls with only one significant talent… Making themselves fucking rich. On Wednesday, Carly Fiorina (one of the never ending procession of Hewlett-Packard CEO’s who have fucked up the company, laid off thousands, and walked with a humungous golden parachute) was on CNBC talking about the continuing sorry state of RIM. She said she prefers using a Blackberry, for the reason that “Women have a harder time on the iPhone than men, because our fingers are colder and its heat sensitive.” Problem is, even I know that the iPhone screen uses electrical capacitance, and the temperature of your gnarly old digits have fuck all to do with it. Still, why would you expect the failed CEO of a major technology company to know that? Particularly one who received a BA in medieval history from Stanford.

Me fingers are so fucking frozen, I can barely hold me fag!

Kevin Roberts… Suffering for Saatchi!

I must say, because I am a masochist, I enjoy reading Kevin “I Always Wear Black” Robert’s blog. It is so over the fucking top with its pomposity and endless name dropping that it makes you realize that working for this guy would drive you fucking insane. Not that you’d see much of him. Today, he talks about how he spends 250 days a year on the road, attending rugby matches in the Antipodes, giving speeches about rugby in Timbuktu, Handing out diplomas in Preston to promising young rugby players, and peddling that load of old bollocks known as “Lovemarks” to anyone dumb enough to give him the time of day. Obviously, all this requires flying First Class and staying in Twelve star hotels. He gave us a rundown on his favorite airlines a few months ago and who had the best champagne. Now he lists his favorite hotels, obviously, not your Motel 6 type establishments! So, out of curiosity, I checked out one of them… “The Bulgari in Milan.” The cheapest room in the joint is $900 a night, plus, never forget you’re in Europe, with VAT, taxes, service charges and all the other shit they pile on in these joints, you’re looking at in excess of $1300 a night. And as he says… He’s on the road 250 days of the year. I wonder what the fuck that adds up to? 

It's a bit red... Don't you have something in black?

can Sorrell survive on a lousy $11 million?

OK… As a shareholder of WPP (5 shares) I intend to vote against Sir Martin’s 60% pay hike, which put him in the $11 fucking million bracket last year. The “Compensation Committee” of WPP’s board of directors, which you know will be stuffed with the Poisoned Dwarf’s drinking buddies, tried to make a point that the other BDHC UberNozzles also made shit loads of money, and their companies are based outside the UK, so enjoy a more favorable rate of taxation. Excuse me… WPP is also based outside the UK… It’s corporate headquarters are in Dublin, so they can avoid British taxes. And if you ever thought you could tell an Irish bloke he was part of the UK, you’d be looking for a black eye. Anyway, it’s all bullshit, Sorrell will get every fucking penny he wants. Maybe I should buy another 5 shares… Nah… Fuck that. 

WPP Dublin's Chief GnomeNozzle!

Draft/FCB is looking for a Masochist!

Agency Spy, in its job listing section, has a doozy… Draft'/FCB Chicago is looking to hire a "Social Media Platform Manager." Obviously, no one in the thousands they have laid off was qualified for the position. As I said in a comment on Agency Spy…. The job of the "Social Media Platform Manager" is to make sure the people laid off have plenty of boxes for their shit. That they haven't stolen stationary supplies, and that they haven't written graffiti all over the place about management being a bunch of fucktards. Then, when they've done all that to Larry's satisfaction... They get to spend some time in the corner gym before being fucking laid-off! If you really want an excuse to start boozing early, read the full job description. The best bit is at the end… About our company… Launched in mid-2006, Draft/FCB is a new breed of agency the first global, behavior-based, holistic marketing communications organization operating against a single P&L, one which places an equal emphasis on creativity and accountability. It’s enough to make you fucking weep!

And they give you a hat on the way out!

tim cook channeling steve jobs?

Appearing at a question & answer session at the “All things digital” conference in California, Tim Cook answered absolutely no fucking questions whilst waving his arms around, foaming at the mouth, and promising that Apple is preparing to release some “incredible” new products… Wot, no “Insanely Incredible” new products? He did however, assure the panting audience of AppleTards that “The juices are flowing!” He also promised to try and cut down a bit on the use of Chinese slave labor to produce the iToys, whilst still flogging them in the Apple Store at “insanely cheap” prices. He did kinda answer one question though… When asked about the future of the Apple TV box, he answered, “We are going to keep pulling the string and see where it takes us!” Yes indeed! Up on his iCloud, Steve must be chuckling at that one!

So begineth the First Lesson of Jobs!

  

proof ad agencies are run by fucktards!

Yesterday’s news that incumbent Butler, Shine, Stern & Partners has held on to the Mini Cooper account is a perfect demonstration of how fucked up the business has become. Firstly, a ton of agencies declined to pitch, ‘cos everyone knew the incumbents were a lock to retain it… After all sales were going through the roof, and the people at Mini loved both the agency and the work. Even so, they called a review… Hired a scum sucking fucking search consultant, sat through presentations from BBH, Via Agency and Fitzgerald… Then rehired Butler, Shine!!! They claimed they had to go through this fucking circus ‘cos it was parent company, BMW’s corporate policy. I would have told the Krauts to fuck off… Still, I suppose they can claim they were only following orders. The agencies that pitched against Butler, Shine have no fucking excuse. They are retards and should apply to go on “The Pitch” next year. Oh, that’s right… There is no next year for that piece of shit!

If you didn't learn it here... It isn't worth knowing!

hitler does his thing for adscam!

Lots of you have emailed me about AdScam being non-functional for a while this morning. I immediately got in touch with TypePad via their “help line” and hours later, I am still waiting for a fucking reply… Dontycha just love technology? I am convinced that Draft/FCB/Poisoned Dwarf/Zuckernozzle are behind this. But they can’t scare me… I have fucking Hitler on my side! Within thirty minutes of my last post, featuring Der Fuhrer demanding that they “Get that ass back up,” AdScam was indeed, back up. Which is one of the advantages of living in the Fourth Reich… You might not be able to get “Five Wives Vodka.” But you’ll never run out of “Hitler Gin.” It’s powerful shit!

AdScamers demand TypePad's head!