AdScam/The Horror!

Fuck Tom Cruise, I'm with mein Fuehrer!

My good friend Ralf (The Cartoonist) sent me this link to a discussion thread about the new US Air Force tag line, which is apparently to be used on all their future marketing communications... "Above All." Which as Ralf rightly points out, translates in German to "uber alles." As in "Deutschland, Deutschland uber alles in der welt." A phrase made somewhat notorious by the Nazis! Anyway, check out the the link for a laugh. By the way, isn't the Air Force, particularly its Colorado Springs, epicenter of fascism, academy, a hot bed of right wing, evangelical wankers? Which is the same as saying they are a bunch of fucking Nazis?

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Fuck the US Air Force. I have the world's biggest overcoat, and a matching pistol!!!

The red carpets of Ogilvy... Will be redder tomorrow!

OK... The word is, from one of my deeply embedded spies... The big axe will fall tomorrow on the poor, long suffering lumpen who make their daily crust at Ogilvy... Layoff time... How big, I don't yet know. But it won't be pleasant. This poor reflection of what used to be a great agency has been limping along for the last few years. Yes, they have done sterling work for IBM and AmEx... But they haven't picked up anything worth talking about for the last several years. I am sure the "Poisoned Dwarf" is not chuffed, as we say in Blighty. Shelly, even though she is a WPP Board Member, must be hanging on by her fingernails. My Uber-Mate, Steve Hayden, continues to pull the chestnuts out of the fire (disclosure here, we never discuss Ogilvy) Chris (they don't make them bigger, in either size or work ethic) Wall, also is doing his best... But... There always comes a time when the glory days are over. Fuck, as we all well know, this business is full of once great companies, that as usual, got swallowed up by the giant conglomerates... Then it came down to making the fucking numbers... What a crying shame!!!

Arrogant, pompous, yes. But a giant compared to today's dwarfs

Ross Perot gets under the hood of Hewlett-Packard!

You have to laugh at the news that HP is buying EDS for several gazillion dollars. All this in an effort to make inroads into IBM's massive services business. You'd think they had learned their lesson from Carly Fiorina's giant fuck up when she had HP buy Compaq. It took years to absorb it, and yeah, I know they'll give you the usual shit about fucking synergy and scope and whatever fucking dumb word of the fucking day they can think of... But it nearly finished HP. Still, Carly walked away with a huge fucking golden parachute for nearly destroying the company. This one will be worth watching. Particularly the size of the retention bonuses management will get, while the thousands of lay offs will be swept under the rug. Still as most of the poor fuckers getting the axe live in Plano, Texas, they can go out and kick shit for the rest of their lives. As my old mate Edward e-mailed me today... Perhaps ole Ross Perot intends to run against that Obama boy and wanted to ensure he had enough cash to get out the vote. Doesn't cost that much in Texas. Just promise everyone a bigger fucking truck!

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Carly's new career is doing well, thank you!

Douchenozzles make big bucks... So what else is new?

OK... I was trying not too, but my old mate in Jolly Old England, OnDownLow, doing his thing over on agencyspy. (He's not as sexy as the spy!) Challenged me to write about all the fucking money the douchenozzles running the various fucked up ad conglomerates are shoveling into their rancid bank accounts. Top of the league, is John Wren of Omnicom, but you know what, I don't begrudge him that. He has the good sense to let Goodby Silverstein get on with it and keep his nose out of things. But yes... Michael Roth of IPG, the world's most fucked up assortment of verging on extinction agencies had the fucking cheek to give himself a $1.2 million pay raise. Jesus fucking Christ. Do these people have no shame. Even the Poisoned Dwarf only took home $7 million. But that's about what falls out of his trouser pockets when he's shagging someone on the WPP Board room table. None of these wankers could hold down a real fucking job. But then, advertising's not a real job, is it?

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Happens every day in the ad biz!

Why does Zuckerberg need to borrow $100 million when he's worth fucking billions?

Tom Buchok has a great comment on my last post about the Facebook expansion... About a year ago, CIO Insight published a report on MySpace's infrastructure and the insane demands of a popular social network. http://tinyurl.com/3faddz Interesting to see the manpower and computing power needed to get as many users as possible ... when you're still not sure how to pay for it all. Oh, Tom, you are so fucking dead right. This is the battered drum I have been fucking banging ever since the dot com implosion of the late nineties. These social networking wankers still do the "Build it and they will come" mantra that's burnt through more fucking VC money than Bush has blown searching for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. So, before you blow another hundred fucking million dollars of someone else's money... Could you please explain to me how you intend to pay it back?

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Hey Mark... That's fucking chump change.

Facebook... Bursting at the seams?

Facebook just borrowed $100 million to buy a few thousand more servers to handle its ever increasing traffic. Seems like wunderkindt Zuckerberg is not only seeing the number of users increase by 71% in the last year... It's all those fucking stupid apps people keep loading on. I mean c'mon Mark, if you cut down on the fucking pokes, teddy bears, baseball shit and film star quizzes, you wouldn't need those millions of extra servers, you could shove a few more fucking billion in your bulging bank account... And with a bit of luck, all those wankers I've never heard of who want to be my friend... Would fuck off.

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Wanna be my Facebook friend?

Everything you ever wanted to know about Draft/FCB.

Just recently I've been getting an increasing number of hits coming in from Wikipedia, and I wondered what the fuck was going on. Well guess what? If you look up the Wikipedia entry for Draft/FCB, there are three publications listed as references, AdAge, New York and fucking AdScam. The link to me goes to the piece I wrote about that fucked up Ad for South African Radio featuring the burning twin towers from 9/11. So now every time anyone wants to know about Hughie, Dewey & Louie's fucked up excuse for an ad agency, they can check out my thoughts on them on AdScam at the same time. Stick that on your cell phone, Howard.

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At least its not Julie!

"Hoopla" goes tits up?

While cruising around on Amazon earlier today, I was somewhat surprised to find that the Crispin Porter + Bogusky tome, "Hoopla," is no longer available. If you want one, you have to go to a second hand reseller. What the fuck is that all about? Apart form being an art directional nightmare, and almost unreadable, it has this fucking glass paper slip cover which is supposed to transfer your DNA to the next reader. How fucking dumb is that. The only book harder to read and makes even less sense is Kevin Roberts insult to the average readers intelligence... "Lovemarks"... Which in the revised edition will no doubt drop all references to ugly men in red wigs kicking trees. Potential readers of either could do themselves a big favor by buying the authority...  "MadScam!" He said modestly!

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I'm sure there's a "hoopla" and a "Lovemarks" in there somewhere!

Why people who run conferences are fucking brain dead!

You have to love the fact that after writing my anti-conference blasts on both AdAge and BrandRepublic, I get an invitation from MediaPost stating...  There will be plenty of time to improve your email marketing  skills and enjoy the beach at MediaPost's Email Insider Summit on May 21-24 in Captiva Island, Florida. The sessions will start early in the morning and end in the early afternoon. You'll then be able to enjoy some relaxing networking activities including boating, golf, and beach volleyball. Don't miss your chance to gather new ideas and network with marketers from PetSmart, The Olive Garden, Facebook, Carnival Cruise Lines and more at the most valuable three-day conference on email this spring. Don't wait, time is running out! Holy fucking shit... Apart from the fact I have no idea why I would want to be locked in a room with people from Carnival Cruise Line and the Olive Gardens, when you look at the schedule, there's a total of about 6 hours of useless content... And it costs a mere $3,000. Why do I have this terrible feeling that the whole thing will be sold out!

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Amen to that!

Great tits cope well with warming!

In an attempt to outdo my mate Steve Hall (No, not you, Angela) over at Adrants, the headline above is lifted directly from the BBC News Web site. And no, unlike Steve's offerings, it has nothing to do with large breasted women who might be flaunting their wares in the latest ad for Brazilian Rum. It simply refers to little British birds (the kind with wings, not breasts) who are apparently coping well with global warming. Let that be something to warm the cockles of your heart on Mothers Day weekend. Cheers/George.

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I love Steve. He made me what I am today!!!