AdScam/The Horror!

I’m sorry lady, before entering this IBM Second Life, virtual conference, you’ll have to check your atomic Powered dildo at the door!

In a recent article on Marketing VOX, they are trying to make a case that Second Life is still alive and somewhat thriving in the corporate environment. Personally, I think it’s a crock of shit. I don’t care if IBM is holding virtual meetings on this wanky site and Linden Labs is claiming that 1,000 companies now use it for training, meetings and conferences - and take the protocol very seriously. When I read that Gartner recently projected that by the end of 2013, 70% of companies that use virtual worlds will have established dress codes and other codes of behavior for the employee avatars… I am fucking speechless… Dress codes for avatars… What the fuck is next, no sex toys for Linden Dollars… No over inflated boobs for the ladies. I mean why would you want your virtual world to be as crappy as your lame arsed real one?

So, I earned my PHD at Second Life U!

 

Penny for the guy, Sir?

In case all you bloody Yanks didn’t realize it, last Thursday, November the fifth, was Guy Fawkes day. The 204th anniversary of a plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament by a disgruntled British nobleman, in other words, a seventeenth century “Teabagger.” It was also the day, last week, when several dozen masked men and women dressed as Guy Fawkes showed up outside Westminster Palace. They were definitely not led by an individual best known to the world as cantankerous blogger aulde Holborne, who describes himself as a “Seditionist.” When asked why he was leading a demonstration, he explained that he was merely "out for a walk", and suggested that he could in no way be held responsible if a number of his friends just happened to turn up wearing almost identical outfits (and masks). Fucking brilliant! On arrival at parliament, a police officer promptly informed the group that they couldn’t "go in dressed like that, sir" – a reference not to the garb, so much as the masks. They then buggered off for a cup of tea.

You can never find a copper when you need one!

 

Send real money to virtual AdScam… Now!

Hey… Am I the only one who thinks spending real money for virtual products and services on-line is a demonstration that we have finally entered the twilight zone of fucktardidness? Today’s New York Times article, “Virtual Goods Start Bringing Real Paydays,” talks about how douchenozzles are prepared to spend real money… Not fucking “Linden Dollars,” on virtual martinis and bottles of champagne to impress their lamo friends that they really care about them. Hey you cretins, get off your fat fucking arse, pick up your phone and ask your friend out for a drink. Ha, but that would mean you’d have to leave your fucking virtual world and enter the real one… Pretty fucking scary!!! Then there are people who buy clothes and shit for their avatar fucking pets. And don’t even get me started on “FarmVille,” where instead of shoveling up all the cow shit stinking up the place, you can plant organic beans for a few “real” dollars a row. Jesus, there’s one born every day… And they’re all on- fucking-line… But not here!!!

Fuck the comments... Send money... Real money!

 

Findlay, Ohio… Sin capitol of America!

Do any of you AdScammers live in Findlay, Ohio? If so, you are obviously getting pissed off by the rampant crime recently reported. Pride of place goes to the woman who called the cops to complain that her husband said her daughter gave better blow jobs (Note: He was her step father.) Other newsworthy items… A woman "was cited early Sunday morning for having an open container of rum and Coke on a sidewalk in the 1200 block of Morey Avenue.” Heritage Christian school expelled a student for going to another school’s prom where they had dancing, rock, hand holding and kissing… But no blow jobs were reported. Someone "at the Wayside Golf Course on Ohio 568 reported that vandals damaged one of the holes on the green and stole one of the tee markers." But my all time favorite… A legless woman passed out in Nino's Bar on Main Street early Sunday morning and "vomited everywhere, and other bar patrons got into a fight while trying to help her. This place sounds like fucking Sodom and Gomorrah!

They also have the world's biggest fucking star fish!

 

Alex Bogusky does a Seth Godin!

If you’ve ever read any of Seth Godin’s two hundred and fifty business books, you soon come to the conclusion that this guy is a fucking genius. Not for what he writes, but for his unfailing ability to basically write the same book, over and over, while making them shorter and shorter. There’s no question that Alex Bogusky and John Winsor have decided to travel the same route with their book, “Baked In.” Perhaps they put it on Alex's “Nine Inch Diet.” Not that I’ve actually read the 150 page, big type monograph, but it would seem that most of the reviewers haven’t either. Ha, it’s like the classic Guinness poster “I don’t like Guinness, that’s why I’ve never tied it.” So, I won’t review the book, but I am enjoying the reaction from the press. Anyway, fuck it, it’s Friday, and you know what that means!

And dazzled!

 

World’s second oldest business carries on as usual!

Hard on the heels of my post the other day that the Poisoned Dwarf thinks too many people in the biz are too old… This from a guy who on his 65th birthday in a couple of months will be eligible to start collecting his UK “Old Age Pension,” comes news that Omnicom’s top five executive douchenozzles will receive handsome pensions, even if they fuck up big time. Ha, no surprises there. You have to laugh at the at the way these fucktards mangle the English language, when they describe the pensions as… “Senior Executive Restricted Covenant & Retention Plan.” What the fuck is wrong with “Golden Parachute?” Speaking of which, did you see that ace fucktardesse, Carly Fiorina is running for the California senate. Boy, there’s a lady that truly screwed up HP, big time. Laid off thousands and hammered the stock while travelling the world in private jets giving dumb speeches to dumb audiences. When they finally kicked her out, they gave her $34 million and a twelve month service contract for her laptop!!! Best bit is her election platform touting her business expertise and skills!

Carly... What the fuck is with the shaved head?

 

Fake Steve Jobs fucks fake ken segall!

In case you missed it, in an interview on the Cult of Mac, Ex Enfatico Global CD, Ken Segall who couldn’t come up with a single campaign for Dell in two fucking years, claims he came up with the name for the iMac and created the “Think Different” campaign for Apple. Far be it from me to question these dubious claims… Because many others who were “In the room at the time” know otherwise… I love the way The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs rips him a new arsehole. Down to his faux GodJobs black turtle neck. Very fucking funny… Read it.

What is with that cheap Chinese watch?

 

What truly great advertising should be about!

I’ve just watched AMV-BBDO’s latest spot for Guinness on AdForum. Absolutely breathtaking. You really have to consider the body of work these guys have done over the years for a client to fucking die for as outstanding. I was driven to write this comment… God... I don't know how they do it, but AMV needs to be congratulated the way they have for years done such fantastic work for Guinness. Does it sell Guinness, I have no fucking idea, and I don't care. There is so much shit out there that when you see work of this caliber, I am no longer ashamed to be in the world's second oldest profession. Don't stop. Please. Cheers/George. Go see it, then see it again and again. then look at the average BDA output and fucking weep!

On the other hand... There's the BDA way!

 

Boise Ad Federation stoops to new depths!

Many thanks to all the People at the Boise Ad Federation who invited me to speak and get drunk at their do last night. About a hundred people there who let me go on for an hour and a fucking half. Apparently someone was running a book on how many times I would say “fuck.” I think the answer was in the hundreds, not that I would fucking know. Anyway, a thriving ad scene here in Idaho and a good time was had by one and all. I do this shit fairly regularly at ad clubs and even at universities, As I posted a few weeks ago I did some early this year at Lewis/Clarke University and the University of Idaho in Moscow (No, not the one with Stain, the one with Hitler!) For some reason, the University here in Boise has never invited me. It’s either because I’ve been seen too often leaving Boise’s seedier bars arseholed, or ‘cos I take the piss out of their football team for playing on “Smurf Turf.” Anyway, it’s not proper football, it’s organized hooliganism!

They certainly made me feel welcome!

 

McCann gets boot from Cadillac pitch… Yawn… Fucking Yawn!

Never forgetting that we Brits call a car trunk a boot, which has fuck all to do with this post… But it’s my blog remember? Moving on, McCann failed to make the finals for the Cadillac account. This has now been boiled down to a short list of SIX fucking agencies, all of whom will now begin spending dumpster loads of money for a one in six chance of getting a fairly wanky account, which based on today’s pathetic state of the business will no doubt launch another review within a year, leaving the agency that had just won the account, way short of ever recouping the cost of the pitch. The five non winners, will have recouped fuck all. And the icing on the cake? The pitch is in January… There goes Christmas and New Year for the six contestants. The only one’s making any money out of these cluster-fucks are the douchenozzle search consultants brought in to do the job the clients marketing fucktards should have done in the first place.

Our agency USP? We'll dig up Rosser Reeves if you give us the account!